Everything now seems so different. At this point in time last year, the biggest thing I had to worry about was scholarships. I mean, that was a lot to worry about for sure, but it seems like there’s so much more going on in my life now. I’ve got to worry about balancing multiple jobs, actually having a lot of homework, preparing to train for my half marathon, attempting to have a social life, and still trying to do scholarships. Never mind how much I still have to do for things happening this summer.
With all this stuff happening, I always forget where I am. At this point in time last year, I still didn’t know where exactly I would end up, (it was between Columbia and Northern Michigan, dependent on scholarships,) but I was hoping every day that I would end up in Chicago. Because it was my favorite city. The Bean, the buildings, the deep-dish pizza, all the things going on, and just the fact that it was Chicago.
Now I’m here. I’m at my dream school. I’m doing what I love, and I’m doing the best I can to keep living the life that I do. I’m not extremely religious or anything, but I mean it when I say that I am blessed. I’m so fortunate to have been able to march for the summer that I did, and I hope to God that I can do it again. I’m so lucky to be in not only an institute for higher education, but to be in one like Columbia – where I can learn and work with people who share the same burning passion as I do for their art, and even a handful of people who are pursuing the same professional dream I am.
Even while I’m super stressed between school and work, for some reason, I just think about that. The fact that I get to be extremely stressed in basically my dream situation.
And yet, for some reason… I’m still not happy. Don’t ask me why, because it’s taking a lot for me to even admit it. I’m not as happy as I should be spending all this money on school. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with Columbia at all, I love it here. I love learning what I’m learning and I love the friends I’ve made here. I love my room mates and going out to eat on the weekends. I love watching movies and staying up late watching Netflix even if I have to work at 8am the next day.
That just goes to show, I guess, how even if you love something or maybe even someone, you could still be unhappy. Maybe it’s something to do with the fact that every single time I leave and then come back to Chicago, I just wish the ticket read “ATL” instead of “ORD.” For some reason, Georgia is on my mind a lot more than it probably should be. And I’m really not sure how I feel about that.
I don’t intend on leaving Chicago anytime soon. I have seven more semesters here at Columbia, and I intend on living them out. I have so much to learn from the professors and students here, I can’t imagine being anywhere else.
I just need to remind myself how much I wanted to be in the position I am in now, and I need to remember what’s good. My New Years Resolution is “Appreciate More.” And appreciate, I will. So help me God.